October 20

It's been almost four months...and it still seems like yesterday. It was a normal work day. The weekend before I had spent taking care of my grandmother, as my parents had gone to the USC v. NotreDame away game. I thought it would be fun - we'd get to cook and hang out. My grandmother had not been feeling well for weeks, and was due for a procedure to remove some kidney stones the following Friday.

That Tuesday, I called her around 4 o'clock to see how she was feeling. She sounded as best as she had in weeks. Cheerful, she told me she was eating soup that her friend had made for her and that it tasted good. I was happy to hear it, so I went on with my day, working on finalizing homework for my class that night.

I ran late to class that day, had my cell phone on vibrate because we were doing media training. After doing my portion of the media training, I look down at my phone. There were 30+ missed calls, texts, emails...

I knew right then and there what had happened. The voicemail from my husband confirmed it...my grandmother had passed away. I drove to the hospital thinking - this is a dream...it can't be happening...but unfortunately for me, it was the truth.

I walk into the room, and my mom just comes crying to me, that she had tried, but that they couldn't save her...my grandmother was a special person. She was a fighter, stubborn and beautiful at the same time. A person who was not happy in life. The only thing that made her happy was being with me. I looked at her, laying on the gurney, with a sheet over her, just her head exposed. I touched her cold hand and held it for what seemed to be hours, and I could swear that it was warm again. How could this person whom I love so much be gone. There were so many things running through my head...I never said goodbye, I never said I love you, I never gave you a great-grandchild....I complained about you, and wondered why you wanted to talk to me every day....we never got to cook that weekend...

Abuela, I miss you every single day. I know you are with me...I can smell and feel you, your blocked phone calls are still coming through. I'm listening, I promise. I'm trying really hard. I hope I am making you proud and I hope you are taking care of me in your own special way....

Te quiero mi abuelita...